LEVEL UP LIFE LOVERS ðĨððĪĢðððĨ
Wholeness Not Perfection
How to build a healthier CN system
Rewiring deeply ingrained ATTACHED MIND and conditional self-worth patterns isn’t easy, but it can have an outsized positive impact on a consistently unwavering mental health.
Here are three research-backed approaches that have worked for many. Try them, see if they may help you dismiss any remaining “attached mind” (usually inter generational conditions) that are no longer helpful.
1. Notice the self-worth accounting.
Most attached mind conditional self-worth happens on autopilot. A meeting doesn’t go well and you’re suddenly questioning your entire career. Someone doesn’t text back and you feel fundamentally unlovable. The first step is simply noticing when these calculations start running. When you catch yourself doing the mental math (“If this project fails, I’m worthless”), pause and ask: “Is my worth really contingent on this one thing?”
2. Collect counter-evidence.
Your brain learned that worth comes from achievement through years of reinforcement. To update this system, you need consistent examples of moments where you are valued without meeting any conditions. Spend time with people who appreciate you for being you, not for what you accomplish. Join communities built around shared interests. Notice how it feels to be valued for your humor, curiosity, or just your presence.
3. Diversify your self-worth portfolio.
Instead of betting everything on one aspect of identity, spread your sense of self-worth across multiple domains. If work is a big part of your self-worth, experiment with creative hobbies. If you’re the “smart one,” try activities that highlight other qualities. Start small: take an improv class, join a hiking group, volunteer somewhere meaningful.
Breaking free from mind attached conditional self-worth takes time. You’ve spent years learning that your worth is attached to your performance, and that pattern won’t disappear overnight.
But here’s what happens when you start to separate the two: you choose discerning opportunities (possibly labelled as “risks” in the old conservative play it safe you) without betting your entire identity on the outcome.
You stop treating setbacks like a personal crisis. You get back up faster because falling down doesn’t mean you’re fundamentally broken.
Your brain stops wasting energy on constant self-evaluation and other people’s drama and you refocus on the present moment in front of you.
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ð️ Brain Trust
If you enjoy the newsletter, you’ll love our community of curious minds conducting tiny experiments within a safe space and learning together.
Here is an overview of upcoming events:
• Cultivate patience in a fast-paced world.Join Gosia Fricze for an hour of focused writingwhere we’ll slow down together, reflect on the pace of our lives, and explore how patience could create more intentional living.
• Turn stress into success. Join Rita K. Garnto for an interactive workshop with guided exercises, movement, and reflection. You’ll walk away with practical tools to boost your well-being and productivity.
• Make progress on your projects. Our Pomodoro-based coworking sessions are hosted twice a week by Kathryn Ruge, Javier Luis Gomez, and Joshwin Greene, covering all timezones. Then, join Ashley Crouch and Benjamin Covington for a weekly review on Sunday.
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